Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza Review

Totino's Pepperoni Party Pizza

Depending on which elementary school you attended and when, you might be familiar with the world of cafeteria pizza. Whether you remember those mass-produced rectangles fondly or with regret and terror, it’s hard to deny that they were memorable at least. Now, in these modern times, Totino’s seems to be working on their own version of the stuff — yes, that Totino’s, the brand that’s famous for their pizza rolls.

We’ve actually already dipped into this line of products — not all that long ago, we checked out the three-cheese version. Today, however, we’re reviewing the Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza, a frozen food with some nice alliteration in the title. We appreciate that.

There are a few different ways to cook this, though the package is very adamantly anti-microwave. You can try the toaster oven or the standard oven, and the latter has an alternate version for those who want a softer crust. We thought softer crust sounded lovely, so we used the method that requires a baking sheet and a couple extra minutes of cooking time. Now, one thing we should point out about this cooking method is that our pizza stuck to the baking sheet pretty aggressively. We had to scrape at it with a fork to get it onto our plate. Other than that, though, everything seemed to work as advertised. (If you want to see the full cooking instructions, check out our package scans at the bottom of this review.)

Totino's Pepperoni Party Pizza

While we’ve used rectangular school lunch as a reference point aesthetically, flavor-wise these are much closer to another frozen pizza, though we’re blanking on which brand it is (perhaps Jack’s or Red Baron?). This has a mushy cracker-like crust and a smattering of dried-out cheese on top. It also features a sweet, sugary sauce. Basically, we’re saying this isn’t a high-quality pizza — it’s more of an indulgence for when you’re really craving some cheap ‘za (we know this craving well).

Now, when you hear the word pepperoni, we won’t fault you for imagining round, flat slices. Circular pepperoni is an absolute classic among pizza toppings, after all. However, you won’t find any circles here. In fact, you might begin to suspect this pizza originated in the land of Plain Awful (from the famous Carl Barks comic story “Lost in the Andes!”), where round objects were declared illegal. This pizza would certainly pass the rigid standards of the Awfultonians.

As far as flavor, we barely even noticed the pepperoni. The portion size is stingy enough that pepperoni fanatics are definitely going to want to mosey on over to greener pastures (such as Devour’s Three Way Pepp).

On the Totino’s website, this pizza is referred to as a “pizza snack.” We’re guessing the reason for that is so they can pretend half a pizza is a full serving. That’s right, Totino’s, we can see right through your marketing magic!

If you stick with the snack size (half a pizza), you’ll be consuming almost 350 calories and 700 mg of sodium. If you are a normal human being and just eat the whole thing in one sitting, that becomes 690 calories and 1,400 mg of sodium. Yes, those latter numbers are what Totino’s is trying to distract you from by calling this a snack as opposed to a cheap lunch.

The Totino’s Pepperoni Party Pizza isn’t a top-tier pizza by any means, but it’s designed to scratch a very particular itch — and it does that pretty well. However, there’s very little pepperoni, and this thing is absolutely bonkers with sodium and calories. It is really cheap, though. At the time of this writing, Target had this exact pizza priced at $1.39 — that’s a tough price to beat.

To learn more about the nutrition content, ingredients, or cooking instructions for this Totino’s frozen pizza, check out our package scans below.

Totino's Pepperoni Party Pizza
Totino's Pepperoni Party Pizza