Totino’s Party Pizzas are not good food — they’re guilty pleasures on a budget. That said, if you want a decent-sized rectangular pizza for just over a buck, these babies have you covered. In fact, they’re among a very small number of frozen-pizza options in that particular price range. (They’re much like the El Monterey brand in this regard.)
So today, when we write our review for the Totino’s Sausage Party Pizza, we’re going to keep in mind that this is no gourmet food. To go into this pretending to be some hifalutin food connoisseur would be absolutely ridiculous. Instead, we’re approaching this as that cheap pizza we remember fondly from childhood — which is exactly what it is.
This pizza is pretty easy to cook. If you want a crispier crust, you can skip the baking sheet, but we like our Totino’s pizzas a bit softer. We used a baking sheet covered in aluminum foil. This ended up being a little bit of a problem, because the pizza stuck aggressively to the foil. We had to use a fork to separate them, and you can see in the image below where the pizza ended up tearing as a result of this process.
Now, it’s really the sauce-and-crust combo that makes Totino’s pizzas stand out, for better or for worse. There’s a very specific texture you expect from Totino’s crust, and a very specific generic-tomato-paste flavor you expect from their sauce.
Still, the crust here was kind of rubbery. We’ve had these pizzas plenty of times before, and we don’t remember this being a problem, but this one was definitely difficult to chew through. It was also a little bit soggy, but that’s no surprise.
The sausage is composed of tiny little balls, and while the serving size seems pretty generous, this sausage doesn’t have a whole lot of flavor. You might expect a pizza with this much sausage on top to be loaded to the brim with meaty flavor, but that just isn’t the case here.
This is no low-calorie affair. The package claims this pizza is two servings, but deep in our hearts we all know this is a a single-serve meal. If you eat the full thing, like we did, that’s 690 calories and 1,340 mg of sodium. Dieters will recoil in horror at both of those figures.
The Totino’s Sausage Party Pizza is generic-tasting and loaded with calories, but there’s something about it we just can’t help but love. Perhaps it’s the addictive low-brow flavor or just the childhood memories. Either way, we do really love these pizzas, though we acknowledge they’re flawed.
To learn more about the nutrition content, ingredients, or cooking instructions for this frozen pizza, check out our package scans below.
